BY: YUNA
Mothers are true epitome of selfless love and care. The depth of her intimacy for her kids as immense and can’t be fathomed. No matter how big or old we are, she will keep treating as you are still a kid.
As we try to articulate “a mother’s love”, we describe it with adjectives like “unwavering” and unconditional”. Indeed, her words, actions thoughts and emotions encapsulate the beautiful nature of her love which displayed throughout various stages of her children’s life.
It is true to Helen Barnes, a mother of three who gave up her job to spend time with her vegetative son (Jack) who died for 10 minutes when he hanged himself in a woodland.
Jack, 19, was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder at the age of 15. However, after attending a monthly group therapy for three years he went back to college since he appeared to be okay.
When Jack was 13, he had developed anger management issues and the next two years his anger was out of control. But whenever Jack was not in rage, he was shy and affectionate to his twin sister Lucy,19 and brother Jordan Arthur, 16.
Jack seemed to be on the right track by the age of 18, in which he was studying electrical installation, making plans to travel around the world and do an apprenticeship.
But an unexpected turns of events, he decided to take his own life in which the tragedy left a big impact on him and his family.
Ms Barnes recounted:
“Jack's outbursts were terrifying. I remember the first time I got a call from his school to say he'd punched a wall I just thought 'that's not my Jack'. It was so unlike him.”
“He is so loving and caring. While his twin sister is a social butterfly Jack is very insular. He has a small group of friends but he'd rather shut himself away in his room to play Xbox than go out.”
“But when he has one of his meltdowns he would trash his room, cut himself, put his fist through walls and windows.”
“When he was 18 we thought he had turned a corner, we thought he had dealt with it.”
'We will never know the reason Jack did what he did. It has taken its toll on all of us. It has been horrendous but we can't go back now”
Ms. Barnes recalled the night of March 4 that she received a text message from his son saying 'I have just popped out. Don't worry xxx'.
Ms. Barnes knew something was odd the moment Jack left home that night since it was unusual of him to leave alone. Worried as she was, Ms, Barnes called Dyfed Powys Police and at around 10:30 pm, her son’s lifeless body was found hanging in woodland.
'He never just popped out or put kisses in his texts. I didn't want to overreact because he had been doing so well so I called the police non-emergency line.
'But knowing his mental health problems, they raised it as an emergency. They then found him in a woodland.
'The first officer cut him down and started doing CPR. I could never thank her enough, she saved my son's life.
Even his former support worker, of Pembroke Dock, Pembrokeshire felt something was wrong . “As soon as I got that text from Jack, I knew something was wrong.”
Ms. Barnes recounted the moment he learned about his son’s fate.
“The police took me and Jack's twin sister Lucy to the hospital and when the doctors told us Jack had hung himself I passed out from the shock. Lucy told me she heard my head ricochet off the hospital floor.”
“When I came too, I thought that was it, I thought I'd lost Jack. And I felt like a complete failure that I hadn't called 999. He had just been so great for so long.”
“No mother should have to see their child in intensive care, hooked up to all those machines. It was absolutely heartbreaking.”
“And after the pain of having to accept that my son wanted to die and spending every day at his bedside praying that he wouldn't, we found out he will live but with no quality of life. It was devastating.”
“Jack's body was deprived of oxygen for so long that he will be in a vegetative state for the rest of his life.”
“He will never eat again, speak again, he will never have a girlfriend, get married, have kids or have any independence. To know that as his mum is awful, every day is a battle to keep going.”
“We have always had this saying in our house that 'mum's hugs fix everything' but they won't fix this, no matter how hard I try.”
Good thing, Jack has received “brilliant” care and support with daily physiotherapy and speech therapy sessions at the rehab.
The doctors still hope that one day Jack would be able to operate a switch on a communication device and electric wheelchair, despite the fact that he will no longer speak or communicate again.
Her mother has set up a gofund page called Jack’s Fund to raise money to buy special sensory equipment for him and eventually her house would be good enough for Jack so he can move back home again.
Unfortunately, in almost eight months Jack can only move his hands from armrest into his lap and can respond by blinking his eyes once for “no” and twice for “yes”. It seems like his progress is very slow.
Ms. Barnes said that when she asks his son if he still wants to die, Jack will blink twice, that is something she fears will never change.
She said:
'So much has happened. Jack spent two weeks on a breathing machine, he had to have a tracheostomy, he has fought off sepsis, he has developed epilepsy.
'The only reason he has survived is because he is so young and has a strong heart but he's still got a lot more to go through.
'It is horrendous to see him like this. He doesn't need to be able to speak for me to see that he's in pain. I'm so frightened that him wanting to die will never change.
'The care and support we have had has been brilliant. And as much as I can't wait to bring him home, the idea of not having that support around is scary.
'Jack will live with me until the day I die. Thinking about what will happen after that is terrifying.'
Ms. Barnes hopes that by sharing his story, she would be able to encourage other people.
“I just hope that by sharing his story, I can encourage people to talk more about their mental health and stop other kids going through what Jack has.”
Photo Credit: Via Daily Mail/Mercury Press & Media
Photo Credit: Via Daily Mail/Mercury Press & Media
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